Next Station....

I just can't seem to find the words to express my feelings right now after the official completion of Phase I of my medical study. The past 2 years plus in university had been quite an experience. One chapter ended and another begun. The phase II of my study will commence in early February. I am grateful that I have met many interesting people over the past years. To those whom I have stepped on their tails,I am sorry. To those who have helped me in any way,I am thankful. It's been quite an interesting 2 and a half years here. Probably the memory of me shouting at the whole batch during the last few weeks of study would be replayed times and again in the thoughts of some. If that's how I am remembered,don't worry, I won't mind. I really doubt I would ever forget my great orientation officers who did so much for a smooth transition into university life : Aiky, Raymond and Ue. I would never forget the pretty handiwork of YP and Caryn on my nails. The Kenyan was at its innocent best then too. Little did I know in my group then was another girl who shared the same birthday as me. Entering university then was quite an achievement for me, and now finishing the Phase I,I am quite relieved that I am halfway through the journey.The pressure on me passing the Final exam then was more than I can take with a few distractions here and there. I am glad that I have made it,although slightly below expectations,hopefully it will suffice to carry me through the next phase. Here I would like to thank all the people I met for making my university life such a great time. I also wish to apologise for the people I have hurt intentionally or unintentionally with my sarcasm. Best of luck to the batch of M2/03. You guys rocks!!!

D-day...

...so it has begun.

First Gate..

The first gate of a young hot-tempered,William-Hung like somewhat not so bright, aspiring medical student. I have been preaching in the library: 有读不怕FAIL!!!

A doc's meme?

Recently,I came across this "meme" on a public website,I thought it might be fun to spend a little time away from the books and notes. I am bored so I am doing this based on an assumption I have passed the coming exam and fast forward 3 years after,voila, I am called a doctor(pronounced "dog-ter") 1. Are you happy with how the government is treating you as a doctor ? No 2. Are you happy during your internship life ? It is one of the toughest I heard, maybe for the first few years I would be happy, come on,after all the books mugging,finally can get down to real business.

3. Are you happy with your income ? Definitely not,considering the amount of money my parents have put in.

4. Are you happy with what you provide to the people ? It should be the way round, I thought?Are they happy with what I provide?If you mean, the nasi lemak I just bought the nurses,they are very happy.

5. Are you happy with the hospital policy ? Regarding the treatment protocols you mean?They certainly have to abide by some WHO standard kinda thingie. If you mean office politics, oh well,it happens everywhere,but, considering I always try to stick with ZOPFAN, I won't have to watch over my back all the time.

6. Do you have a home of your own now ? Hmm....25 years,that's the house loan I have taken,currently co-own with the bank:p

7. Is your mortgage manageable ? Considering,I purchased a second hand Wira and a single storey terrace in Seremban. Yeah,they are manageable.

8. Are you happy with what you see around you ? The family who strived so hard to put me through hell in medical school, yes, I am happy to that they are alive and kicking. If hell wasn't that bad, heaven won't be this nice either.

9. Are you happy with the care that ordinary people get in Malaysia ? Again,I thought it should be the other way round.

10. Are you happy to see private hospital creating millionaire doctors , whilst the public doctors going nowhere ? They would look at Bill Gates the same way if they've achieved millionaire status. I wasn't born with a silver spoon.I am always taught to be grateful with what I have thanks to strong family upbringing. I won't be happy if they purposely show off their riches to me, of course. Of course, I am happy with what I have, a reliable car, a roof over my head and I just saw a girl whom I like yesterday.

11. Are you happy with the price you pay for your house hold, compare to the amount you get from your hard work ? This is a toughie. I am okay with the price I paid,but I am definitely not happy with my pay. The same goes for everywhere in the world anyway.

12. Are you happy with the hospital equipment and facilities back home ? Yes,I am happy with them. Some so-called modern medical equipments are overrated, they just cater to the paying rich to impress them, rather than having significant advantage diagnostic wise. The equipments provided at the government hospitals provide a broad coverage for the diseases commonly seen here according to epidemiologic study. Although it might be cruel to be unable to diagnose certain specific disease without some modern equipments, the money saved from purchasing those state of the art equipments can be used to save a lot more others. Sometimes, the greatest equipment can be your mind. My point? Greater good.

13. Are you happy with the on call rota ? Let just say I am sastified but not happy, it's not that I get 10 cases per hour throughout my call. IF it's 10 cases per hour, it's definitely not worth it.

14. Are you happy to see other people prosper not needing to go thru medical school ? Yeah,they never been through hell. They should be eternally grateful.

Answer all this question before you say what’s right or wrong about us not returning. You are no saint, I understand but some people called me devil while in medical school. Er...I am at a lower moral ground.

If you have the same opportunity Would you not do the same ? Since our circumstances vary,I would assume the opportunity is to tear the bond paper. My sponsors who happened to be my parents would not be happy, put it to an extreme, I am robbing them.IF I do rob them, they won't surrender me to the police too.Yet,I would choose to repay their deed. Their contract is something I can and will never tear. If my kids were to do that to me, I won't be happy either.

P.S. I am still a medical student,just passing my time. This is a blog,and this is also the net, anything written on the screen can be taken as real as elephant jumbo flying in the sky flapping their ears.

On a sidenote, Good luck to all M203s who would be having their exam on Monday. (Hey,you guys are supposed to wish me too if you are reading this:p)

Shall pen a post of gratitude after my exam.

Hope all is well.

Photobucket

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

An Unwilling Friend

And so I heard from a common pal, You're back yet you never call, As if I wasn't here at all, Is it an order too tall? Used to hear your words and laughters, Now from you, not even a silent whisper, Friends we are on the paper, Sometimes I do deserve better, Why do I feel a tinge of bitter, Wishing for once we would be together, From the rain,you I will always shelter, It was you after all I am after. Years pass and thousands miles apart, You never gave me a chance to start, Time has mended a broken heart, What to say if I meet you in shopping mart? Diamonds on golden platter,I can never send, But always there to hear you gripe and rant, Life journey is full of twists and bends, After all, I am the unwilling friend. -Xiao_zhai- This poem is purely fictitious.Believe it or not.....

Girls,next door please

Not too long ago Lecturer : It's against the medical ethic to have any relationship more than a friend with your patients. You might end up in trouble with the licensing medical board if you marries one of your patients. You might get your medical license suspended. Suddenly all the guys straightened up and start to pay attention,I groggily turned to D, Xiao : D,you know what that means? For every girls we see as a patient, we lost one potential wife. D : Awww......man. Pray pray no chun chicks come to see me next time Xiao : I just realised something.I think we just heard the reasons why a lot of doctors we seen are still single. D : Yeah,me too. Those who want to have doctors as their potential spouse have just thrown away their once-in-a-lifetime chance when they stepped into our clinics. Xiao : A grim world indeed,a grimmer world for all of us here. D : Darn it man,that's so sad after all we toiled our asses here. Xiao : I think I have a way around the system. I think I gonna take up obstretric already. D : (pauses for a moment) For a minute, I thought you were sleeping through class. *smile*

Oh mine...oh mine

With the atmosphere getting more and more tense as our judgement day awaits,. A few days ago: Xiao : All Indians can't eat beef right? S : More or less so,it'd be more accurate to say Hindus don't eat beef. J : Why arr? Xiao : Coz cows are considered sacred. Holy animal,you could say that.... S : Yeah Xiao : You can hear some people swearing 'Holy Cow' so there,they are holy and you can't eat them. J : No shit,good point you have there. Xiao : Speaking of it, some even swear 'holy shit' I wonder what that holy means S : They are holy too? and so you can't eat them.... Xiao & J: HAHAhahahaha... He does have a point there on not eating shit. You just learn something new everyday.

Project due

Time is 5.45 a.m. 28th November 2005. More or less completed my share of work. Gotta pass the ball to my teammates. Hopefully they will work to score.......... One heavy load waiting to go off my shoulder....... Gotta get a few hours of sleep before meeting. After that, gotta literally burn or blaze throught the thousands pages of papers of knowledge. Wish me luck........ "Oh, the wise one, what is the most expensive word in the dictionary?" "Oh, my child, it is neither gold nor silver, but a word of thanks is the one" "Oh, my wise sage, what is the reason so? "My child, even a deal of billions gold worth is clinched with a simple word of thanks" Sometimes I find a word of "thank you" worths much more than that. Maybe a bit late. Happy Thanks giving to all

Meltdown imminent

I am bloody pissed at the moment. I have not lost my temper for years. I lost it twice already this year. Maybe the stress is getting to me at the moment. Either that, all shits seem to be happening at the same time. Maybe something can really piss you off. I think the worse thing is they don't even know the reason I am so pissed off. Anyway,things I hope to accomplish before exam starts 1. Revision revision revision!!! 2. ConvoMag 3. Air tickets booking 4. Accomodation in Aussie 5. Going down to Singapore to have a talk with my sponsor 6. Not to lose my temper again I better get some winks before hitting the books again. The last thing I want is swearing into the mic.......

Delayed telecast from Old Trafford......

MANCHESTER UNITED 1 CHELSEA 0 Triumph against all odds!!!

To-do List until end of EoS

Counting down from today I have around 37 days before E0S start.Things to accomplish before then. 1. Revision and stop procastinating!!!! 2. ConvoMag...this is quite a headache but hopefully able to turn out well 3. Breathing....... Things I have to put on hold: 1. M203 Cheerleading video(one of my current project)Some had seen the preview.Won't be out until Summer 2006. 2. My Homepage 3. Sort out my thousands of photo 4. Reconfigure my notebook.Something is wrong but I don't know what,can't detect USB device automatically.

Troubleshooting

The pulldown menu of other blogs' links seemed to be overlapped in my firefox browser.Am I the only one seeing this problem?I will need to rectify it ASAP and update as well.

IMU Cup 2005 officially closed...with a BANG

Woo hoo....finally got the IMU Cup 2005 done and over with. Had enough stress being on the organising committee. Now got a CNS exam coming in 2 weeks time?OMG.....even more stress. I finally got not one,but two medals this time round instead of emptyhanded like last season. WE WON CHEERLEADING!!!!!!OMG.....and maybe as a tribute to the great basketball team of M2/03, we managed to bag a bronze this time. We have been a team for more than 2 years now. Just unlucky not to be able to play in the Final though.All of us were devastated then.Anyway,it is my first medal after being involved in basketball for 8 years already so there is a reason to be happy about it. Now moving on to cheerleading,after one month of sweats,bruises,injuries,accidents and what's not,WE GOT FIRST!!!!! At least our efforts paid off,all the little things we did and research. We really set out to do well this time round. No stone left unturned. We video ourselves, replayed, corrected and repeat the process again and again and again thanks to our Monkey Queen, the ultimate slavedriver. She couldn't push us any harder, to the extent of having one of us getting an MRI to assess her injury.Sound serious?Yeah....we are serious. We are DEAD serious. What I have learned?I have learned about things you won't ask in medical exam,or maybe in any other exam,e.g. like how to do a good "basket toss", twirl, toe-touch, full extension,"liberty" and etc. Hmm...pretty technical. I wish I could do the same amount of research for my CNS topic.Hehehe.... On a sidenote,there is a saying that goes something like this,in the event of something happening, there are 3 sides to every story; the story told by one,the story told by the other and the truth. I believe I have the truth,unspoken maybe but clearly written on paper. Things are not as swayed as one might have thought. Till next time....adios......have to spend more time working on ConvoMag now...

On D.O.T.A and....

...its physiology. What does D.O.T.A stand for? Well, for the uninformed, it is a synonym of Defense Of The Ancient,one of most popular map mods available on Warcraft 3: The Frozen Thone. Basically, it involves 2 teams of selected characters with a maximum cap of 5 per team, each with its own unique skills and attributes, trying to kill each other...I mean trying to outwit and flank opponent's characters while keeping yours alive. The main objective of the game?Well,it is not to kill each other actually,but to defend some structure that if destroyed, will cause a nuclear holocaust and armageddon in the game. Just kidding=) Of course, most of us will be so intent on revenging our characters that we will try to seek out each other jugular in the game. Moving to its physiology,since it involves sitting on a chair and playing the game on a desktop computer. The ilipsoas will flex the hip joint while the hamstring muscles (Semitendinosus,semimembranosus,ischial part of the adductor magnus & long head of biceps femoris) flex the knee joint to rest your ischial tuberosity on the chair comfortably. The erectores spinae will keep your body straight up though most of us tend to slouch and lean back on the comfortable chair. Got it? Now moving to the part which will determine whether you kill or be killed, the movement of the hand. As we are clicking mouse and typing on the keyboards. It will involve a lot of flexion and extension movements of the wrist and fingers. Firstly to keep your hand on the keyboard, you forearms need to be pronated by the pronator teres and pronator quadratos while your elbow is flexed by biceps brachii & brachialis. Then, the flexor digitorum profundus, flexor digitorium superficialis, lumbricals, extensor digitorium,extensor digiti minimi & the four dorsal interossei(to keep your fingers apart or abducted while typing) Sounds a lot but that's just the gist of it, see? DOTA is not as bad as you think. It involves a lot of work and coordination between your muscles and as well as your teammates. Wait, there's one more action I have not yet describe which happens quite often too. Keep your teeth and lip slightly closed,then blow a little bit of air out through your teeth and lip and continue in any way you think is creative - you can use adjective, noun, pronouns and literally any other words in the vocabulary. If you happen not to have any words in your vocabulary other than the word,you can always end it with a full stop or exclaimation mark. It seemed I still need to brush up my coordination a bit as most of the time I was just waiting for my character to revive. I Only Own The Frozen Throne!!!! Sometimes in the week,I was having a little revision with a friend of mine, D, D : Darn hard to remember all the nerves and muscles man. X : Yeah,I need a break, I am going to the toilet to wash my face a while Few minutes later, X : I realised something just now....... D : What?You have new items build for what hero this time?Exam coming and you still thinking of DOTA. X : Let me ask you, what does median nerve innervate? D : Darn,can't recall exactly but one of the few fingers don't know whether lateral or medial. X : Simple,the fingers I use to hold my dick,lateral 2 and the thumb.Median= my dick D : BWAHAHAHAHA X : ;) You learn something new everyday. I Only Own The Frozen Throne?Memonics I use for stages of gait.Thank me, guys:p Initial heel strike Opposite toe off Opposite heel strike Toe off Foot clearance Tibia vertical Signing off now, Xiao, the up-and-coming author for "D.O.T.A for Dummies" and "The Complete Idiot Guide to D.O.T.A" Cheers and good luck to all in the MSK exam

Lovely lovely Redang

Sunrise by the beach

Firefox bug?

I was working on my presentation when I realised the PC was loading a lot slower than usual. I thought it was some virus attack,but I didn't download any risky files lately as in .exe and etc. It was so slow that even mp3 player on my pc was stuttering,as if the singers are choking in water while singing.The best COA next is to bring up the Ctr + Al + Del Task Manager.Then I saw something very unusual.No wonder my pc is so slow WTH?175k mem usage?No wonder my pc slowed down.Apparently as my friend told me it is a bug in the widely used browser.Maybe someone can enlighten me on this.

Times University Ranking

Times university ranking for medical course Just stumbled upon this while surfing.Maybe it should give some insight on choice of university for those in IMU.

At the Basketball court

A few days back,while a group of us were sweating and playing basketball,someone appeared from the guardhouse and shouted to his friend,

SHIT!!! I GOT EDINBURGH,I was aiming for Australia!!!!

That statement sorta froze us on the court for a few seconds before the game continued. I was wondering for a moment whether it was true or not.:)

Meme Post

ShitGot tagged by YP Something that can give my brain a little rest.... So it goes like this. Below is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers. Here's that list: If I could be a scientist... If I could be a farmer... If I could be a musician... If I could be a doctor... If I could be a painter... If I could be a gardener... If I could be a missionary... If I could be a chef... If I could be an architect... If I could be a linguist... If I could be a psychologist... If I could be a librarian... If I could be an athlete... If I could be a lawyer... If I could be an innkeeper... If I could be a professor... If I could be a writer... If I could be a backup dancer... If I could be a llama-rider... If I could be a bonnie pirate... If I could be a midget stripper... If I could be a proctologist... If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... If I could be an actor... If I could be a judge... If I could be a Jedi... If I could be a mob boss... If I could be a backup singer... If I could be a CEO... If I could be a movie reviewer... If I could be a monkey's uncle... If I could be a writer If I could be a bible archaeologist... If I could be an Ah Beng... If I could be an Elvis impersonator... If I could be an Ah Lian... If I could be a sexologist... If I could be a prostitute... ~~~ If I could be a doctor,I will try to keep my spirit up when everything else looks gloomy. Hakuna matata.... If I could be a writer,I intend to write a book entitled "The Last 365 Days of My Life." Got inspired by one of the lectures to choose this title.I mean if you know you are going to die in a year,what would you do? Interesting thought..... If I could be a Jedi,those politicians will be dead,okay,most of them. If I could be an athlete,I will be playing basketball whole day long. If I could be a farmer,those fruits I harvested will taste sweeter as they are the fruit of my labour.Besides,I relish a laidback life in the countryside. And thus I tagged The Bugga,The Geek and my younger brother

Revamp version 1.2

A bit of changes.Well,since the chatterbox is underutilised here,I thought I might as well do away with it.It has expired already.I am lazy to post some message just for the sake of posting it in order to update it,so,well,let it be gone.Maybe there are alternatives to chatterbox.Gonna check it out first.Might have a few more tweak in the coming weeks if I am free and feel like doing it.But again,I may devote my time to my own webpage.It has always been in construction since its ineption.Procastinating to the max.....

Hokey Per V

Anyone remember the hokey pokey nursery rhymes? Here's how one version of it goes,fully original,partially legal,and fully not endorsed by any organisation or any known lecturers. Mainly for the purpose of dry humour.Definitely not for kids. COULD be educational.No money back guarantee though. Hokey Per V(adapted from hokey pokey) You put your right hand in, You put your left hand top, You put two fingers in, And you touch it all around, You try to look for masses, but not when it's her menses, Say anything that you found. You put your right hand in, You put your left hand top, You put your fingers deep, And you touch it all around, You found the frontal fornix, and you touch it all around, Back fornix is what you found. You put your right hand in, You press your left hand top, You put your fingers right, And you try to look around. You found the right ovary, and you touch it all around, That what it's all about. You put your right hand in, You press your left hand top, You put your fingers left, And you try to look around, You found the left ovary, and you touch it all around, That what it's all about. You use a right hand hold, You use a left hand part, You try to put it in, And slowly twist around You slowly push it deeper, and open it up wider, That what it's all about, You use your right hand hold, You use your left hand screw, You ask your nurses' help, To light it all around. Now you can see the cervix, and you try to look around, Explain what you found. You do a pap smear test, You put a clean scrape in, You guide it to the os, And slowly scrape in round. You smear it on a glass slide, To send it to the lab, That what it's all about. You use your right hand hold, You use your left hand screw, You use your eyes to see, And try to look around. You slowly close it to half, and slowly twist around, It's time to take it out. You use your eyes to see, You ask your nurses' help, You use your right hand hold, And slowly take it out. Careful not to snip things, Now you close it smaller, And finally take it out. -Xiao_zhai-

Hello Picasa!!!

I just got my hand on some new photo editing software. Quite a simple and easy to use tool.Recommend it to all those who need some simple photo editing software.It is very user friendly too.Make the job of resizing photos to manageable size a lot easier.It is called Picasa which can be downloaded at www.picasa.com Most importantly it is free. Added onto the Picasa is a sharing software call Hello. Download it at www.hello.com It is also free. Haven't run a spyware check on these 2 softwares though.But definitely recommend it to those who are keen to share photos especially the recent ball photos. Anyone who have broadband and want to share photo,I will advise you to download these 2 softwares and message me on MSN.

IMU Ball 2005

Googled around for a latest update on the IMU Ball 2005 "Whispering flame, Unforgettable sentiments" but turned up nothing at this point of time.No one has blogged about it yet or Google is not working. Well,probably some people are still having post-ball party. First, kudos to the ball committee for coming up with such a good ball.The attendance was very impressive indeed : 518 people turned up. Imagine the amount of efforts put in to organise such a grand event. I always admire good multimedia presentation for I know, from my experience(or probably inexperience),they are very very time-consuming and need a lot of patience. The people who want it done can just say "I want a movie presentation of it by end of this week." And then you will have lotsa late nights, trouble shooting, photoshopping, and etc. to get a decent presentation. Not to mention having to come up with a script and timeline. And in this particular component of the ball, I give them 2 thumbs up. Kudos again..... I particularly love the last part where it portrayed what our life basically about for most of the time as medical students;cramming for exams,stressing over it,drinking(did I mention before I don't drink?)and etc. For minutes,I stood there admiring and "feeling" it when all around me were busy taking photos. Like it or not, most of us won't be seeing each other for a very long time or hopefully not forever again at this time of the year in 2006. I turned away from the screen and looked at one of my friend. I thought to myself "We might not meet again." I slowly walked toward him with a smile and the dawning of realities that lied ahead. Whispering flame.Unforgettable sentiments.There were times I wished we were the batch that organised the ball,then the ball will carry more significance for me,something like a graduation prom. I am not quite sure how will it turn out but I think we will do fine with some of the people I personally know. In saying that, I am not saying I wish I had joined the M1/03(not that if I could), for I have no regrets joining the M2/03. Everyone says their batch is the best. Thus I will say here, my batch too. M2/03 rocks!!!!! I wished I know all of my batchmates at least by name,before I end my Phase One,something I have been trying to accomplish. The other would be that our basketball team be champion for once.

"Passion is not a crime"

It's been a long time...

It's been a long time since I last updated this blog,well to my reader(yes it's singular and I read my blog)An Endocrine In Course Assessment was just done last week. Been busy on the basketball lately.Note to Vista residents,if you hear "dup dup dup" something like the sounds of basketball bouncing on a tar road,always think straight,it is the sound of basketball bouncing,not your neighbour in the next room humping. I have not much to say nor story to tell lately.What else can say here?Currently into the Reproductive system.Something that the lecturer said the other day that makes me wonder on how to really take a sexual history.I can imagine a few scenarios since the lecturer said that people tend to be more shy and discreet in this matter.Come on,if I ask you,how many times you have sex in a year,how many will you think can answer?As for me,*take out my calculator,tap tap tap,*whoah....,anyway that's not my point here.On discreetness: Case 1 Patient : Doktor,*cough cough*....erm.....batang saya...... ada sikit gatal kat hujung Doc : (WTH?Batang???Some Malaysian may not know what it is,less to say the meaning implied here) Jadi sudah berapa lama gatal? Always remember chief complaints must be always listed with the duration Since men tend to be shy in this matter,probably they will form a support group to see the doctor,just like when in a group of guys,a guy will be more daring to whistle at a passing leng lui.Same theory applies I guess.Which brings me to this scenario: Case 2 Patient A : Doktor,semalam gua sama 2 heng tai saya ini pergi tu Jln Ayam "makan ayam goreng" Hari ini,*cough cough*...saya rasa batang saya ada sikit gatal....jadi saya tanya hengtai saya,mereka pun bikin sama pasal. Patient B : (rudely interrupt)Dia punya pasal la,pergi makan ayam,tak bawa duit,jadi panggil satu ayam sahaja.Tengok,balak saya pun ada sama problem...-_-" Patient C : #@$!%You two only itchy,my little brother swollen leh... Doctor : -_-"" Case 3 Imagine a doctor that just came back from foreign soils,one who has lost touch with the local culture,working in a hospital Patient : Doktor, my lan pa darn pain Doctor : Lumbar pain?So how long has it been? Case 4 Patient : I notice my plug nowadays very hard to get it working.But then I think my wife's socket is spoilt.Very hard to turn up the heat. Doctor : Er.....I am a doctor,not an electrician.Get an electirician to fix your heater. Patien : -_-" So there a few examples of discreetness in a presenting sexual complaints in a Malaysian society.Just some craps that come to my mind,thus they are all made up from my creatively obscene innovative mind. Till next time,sayonara.

"What took you so long?"

Nothing works better than a warm cup of coffee to re-energise my fatigued body and tired soul.No textbooks,no one,nothing can prepare me for the life that follows my graduation.As doctors in the government hospitals,we practically have to slog through the days and nights to see to that patients are being taken care off.To hell those policymakers,all talk and no act.They are up there,among the people I hated most,he modern vampires,sucking public funds into their own pockets.I have been hoping for a change in the mindsets of since I was in medical school and now,I am still hoping.... I look at the black fuel that drives my body and soul beyond my limits,swirling slowly and taking up the sweet aroma that rises.How much I long for a leisure sit-and-read at the Coffeebean and Tea Leaf cafe.It has been almost three years since I last been there.Ah....those times.How I miss them.I take a sip from the cup of hot coffee.I don't know how long it will keep me awake enough to tend to the patients.I close my eyes and lean back on the couch.My thoughts wander back to the time I went scuba-diving in my first year at the medical school.The sand,the trees,the winds,the sea,I can almost feel them.Slowly I drifted into sleep.. "Tick tock,Tick tock" I wake up to the sound of the clock right across the staff lounge.I clear my bleary eyes and have a look at the offending clock.It is 3.17 a.m.I have been asleep for almost half an hour.Looks like the effects of coffees are wearing off.I have experienced a lot of first since I chose to study medicine years ago.My first patient,my first setting of drip,my first call,my first surgery and the list goes on.Today,I have experienced another first......my first patient death.It bites my heart more as this is one patient I have a very good rapport with. She is a very determined woman.Her history tells it all.She migrated to the then Malaya with her husband in hope for a good life.She suffered and slogged a lot for the sake of her children.The meals normally consisted of porridge and salted fish.Despite her hardship,she emphasized a lot on education for her children.Then,her labours finally bore fruits.Her children managed to get decent jobs and give her a decent and comfortable life.However,the early years spent slogging to make ends meet had taken a toll on her.She developed athritis,followed by diabetes melitus.Adding to the diabetes melitus,she developed hypertension,which is also partly due to her high salt intake in her early years.Nevertheless,she fought on,stayed away from the food she was deprived of in her early years,exercised regularly and the pain in her aging joints.If it is a battlefield,she would have fought a valiant battle and triumphed over the enemy.Unfortunately,it is a battefield nevertheless,but her enemy is time or rather death.This is one enemy even the strongest will succumb to.Today,she has lost.A patient dying under your watch is bad enough a feeling.To lose a patient and a beloved grandmother in the same night,I personally have no word for it.... I am really tired at times,sometimes,no matter how hard I try,something will never change.Like the girl I used to pursue endlessly,like the efforts I put into study,like the protests against the policymakers,like today.The sobbing of a man resonates throughout the lonely,dark corridor,breaking the silence of the night.This is the sobbing of one man who doesn't make a noise when the doctor is stitching,the sobbing of a man who can pull out the three bee stings on his body,the sobbing of a man who is a hero in my life,the sobbing of my dear father.It is too sudden,death comes with no warning,and leaves without no crying. I close my eyes once again,running through the events that has unfolded over the past hour.Can I have done anything better?Just as my mind about to turn to all the "what if" scenarios,a loud shout by one of the nurse brought me to my feet."DOCTOR!!!DOCTOR!!!WARD 5B!!!"Immediately I run to the specified ward.There is no time for emotion,I am still on duty.The ward seem so far away even though it is just three rooms away. I come to a sudden stop to see a beautiful lady smiling at the baby in her arms.I almost forgot,my beloved wife went into labour 2 hours ago.Cuddled in her arms is a newborn sleeping soundly to the hym by my wife.It is our second kid after three years of marriage.Seeing my presence,she spoke, "What took you so long?" I collapse into her arms and weep.... P.S. It is a fiction

Story of a Kampung Kid

After reading today's TheStar,suddenly I have the urge to write something on this blog for humans tend to forget unless being reminded occasionally.The same thing goes for motivation.I am speaking for normal human being,of course. Today,I guess I will write something on parenting.What exactly is a successful parenting?Sorry,I don't know the answer.I will share after I found out the answer.I was wondering whether my parents have taught me well.Maybe one can point to the fact they have brought their son up to a medical school,and for that they are successful.Actually,I don't really agree with that myself.If things turn out a bit differently,I might be an engineer,accountant,computer technician or even a salesman now.Something inspire me to write a little story here. Story about a kampung kid.He was born and bred in an estate.The leisures he knew back then was firecrackers,crickets,rhinocerous beetle,marbles,top-spinning,self-made kites and occasional the TV game console before the advent of Playstation and affordable computer.Sound very much like a kampung boy.He was entered into a kindergarten in a neighbouring housing estate for 2 years before my primary education. For his primary education,his parents tried hard to get him into a school in the town area,even it means 30 kilometres away from my house.The first time he ever remembered seeing his parents in school on a working day was on the first day of his class.After that,they literally dumped him at the school.The only other time they came to the school was during the "Report Card Day" where parents come to the school to collect their chilren's result and check with the teacher on their academic progress and behaviour.He was,most of the time,left to fend on his own.Imagine a young kid,on a second day into his formal education,asking a grumpy,fierce-looking man at the canteen stall,using the limited Malay vocabulary he had then,"Harga berapa?" pointing at the food he saw that would taste nice.Around him,he could see other children's parents ushering their children and helping them to buy the food they want.Envious.However,God was kind enough to see that this little kid was accompanied by his neighbour and childhood friend.Together,they sat and ate on the long table. Things didn't go as well as he would love it to.He was disciplined by the class teacher,Madam Chong on his third day of school,for not finishing the work she had given.It was his first homework assignment,he didn't understand the language(Bahasa Malaysia) the teacher spoke the previous day as the little kid only understood a bit of Mandarin then.Thus,he got his ears pulled and twisted hard by the teacher primarily due to the fact that he didn't understand the instruction the teacher given the previous day.Ouch!!Worse thing to follow.On only his second week of his formal education,he got called to the displinary teacher to be caned for SWEARING.This little kampung boy didn't know the language he picked up from the seniors was a swear word.Due to his horrid experience with Madam Chong the previous week,he was determined to improve his vocabulary and "luckily" some naughty seniors were on hand to poison his innocent mind.Thus,the swear word.Not a pretty good start to his long journey of education. To be continued....

The Taste of Sorrow

"If sorrow can be drowned by a pint of rum,I need a fleet of ships filled with it" -Xiao- Disclaimer: I don't drink,contrary to what Acid believes

On Stethoscope

Something I came across,

"The stethoscope is going to be a very close friend for a very long time"

On Orthopaedic Surgeons

Heard from a doctor outside OT,

"Orthopaedic surgeons just love screwing..."

Valentine's Day

February 14th.Valentine's day.The day that Cupid will have a real busy time if not headache on who to pair up with who.It is on this day,I believe many couples are made,and many couples are unmade too.I haven't been updating my blog for quite some time.Let's just say I don't share my unhappy thoughts here.Backed by Miss popular's demand,Rakoon,I guess I will write something here. It is on this day that I chose to travel down to Sunway to settle some administration work for my electives.I met WS,a friend of mine from primary school,one of the few friends I still keep in constant contact with despite being not of the same school anymore.He currently studying IT while I am pursuing a medical degree.Well,I have a little bit of knowledge on those computer stuff,slightly better than ignorant I will say.Thus,our conversation shifted from topic to topic,we practically chatted for at least 2 hours on matters pertaining to life,relationship,friendship,study and exchanging knowledge.Okay,he is my sifu in computer-related stuff,especially in html. One of the topic that I found it very interesting is about a subject in IT that's deemed Social Engineering,which means hacking in a language we know.Hacking isn't just about typing stuff,trying an error,working out the possiblities,it involves much more than that,deception is one of the best weapons a hacker can have.Sometimes,even the best hacker needs to gain some insights what he is up against.This insight is gained through a series of Q&As done over time with the intended target person divulging things unconciously and unintentionally.It is not wrong to say this hacker is capable of manipulating human minds and making use of psychology.Questions are carefully worded and chosen and answers are divulged unintentionally.Whoah...talk about a lesson on hacking. Let's say for example,I stress example,in Friendster,occasionally we get a bulletin asking us to put our email addresses there with our names,citing the reason to notify friends whether there are any changes in our correspondence emails.Thus,as friends,we will list our email there,adding to the lengthening list of emails on the bulletin.What a spammer can do is sniff out all the emails and names,and add them to the mailing list or more like a spamming list.Voila,with your full name and your email,chances are high that they will be able to pass through your spam filter.They sell the information to people or spammers who want it and in no time,your mail inbox will be full of "valid emails."The most basic of hacking,making use of the obligation of friends to add to the emails list and we the user,blindly submit our information to them.At the end of day,we might still wonder how the hell those spammers get those details.As I say before,this is an example,this is by no mean as to question the security of Friendster.I don't think those sniffers or anything of its like work in there.If they do work,I believe we can google for our friends in Friendster already.This is just an opinion of a non-professional in IT thus it cannot be taken for words for words. I just remembered the conversation I had with the cabbie on my way to Sunway.He seems to be a Buddhist to me,however,what his religion is,is not the question here.Something he said to me made sense,and I thought of sharing it with the people I know here.I will just rephrase his message with my words, "Good is the person if the good things he/she did other people know, Better is the person who did the same and no other people know, Best is the person if the person who did the same and neither the people nor the doer know." Something to think about here on Valentine's day,especially those single souls out there.*Paging for Rakoon....Paging for Rakoon...* On my way back to my condo,I took the KTM Komuter.It has been a while since I last took the KTM Komuter during college years.Heavy feeling of nostalgia.I chose to stand directly in the middle of the train.I always like to observe(read observe,not ogle...believe me or not)the people in the train.Interesting things happen an occasion or two.This time,as I stood in the middle of the train,on my left was a group of 3 deaf/mute people "talking" with each other,and on my right was a group of 7 Mat Salleh talking loudly in a language that was foreign to my ears.I had a hunch it was Spanish though I was not sure how I got to this hunch.Anyway,as I observed their conversations,I noticed something interesting,the deaf/mute group of people were "conversing" using sign language.Whatever they were conversing must be some real good topic,as I observed their facial expressions changing from nodding in agreement,shaking in disagreement,pulling a long face in disatisfaction,smiling at goodness.They were signing to each other very aggressively and I will say,quite animatedly.I assume it is some debates on current affairs.Silent debate but interesting nevertheless. As for the other group of Mat Salleh,they were having quite a hot conversation too,talking loudly or I will rather say rapping aloud(since I can't really make out what they are saying,something like a rap song)interrupted by occasional shouts of surprise or maybe envy by one of them.They are no less animated than the other group of 3.They seem to pride themselves on the fact that nobody knows what they are talking about.I can sense some air of arrogance there. So,there I was, in between the two conversations,between people of different cultures,between people of different languages,between groups of interesting people nevertheless.I turned my attention to the left and I heard a silent debate.I turned my attention to the right and a loud chatter greeted me.You can imagine it,turn left,silent,turn right,loud chatter.Something like a volume knob on the radio. I guess that's all for now,folks.Hope you enjoy this little crap.

Happy Valentine Day,Girls.....

I hereby wish the female readers Happy Valentine's day.As for the guys,I roughly know where your hard-earned money from blackjacks and ang pow go.Just to even out the things here,it is the thought that counts. "Love is made up of all those little things you do." By the way,Happy Chinese New Year to all and wish all of you a happy and prosperous new year.

A Day's Chronicle

17th January 2005.3rd day after getting my result.I played game till the wee hours of the morning before finally dragging myself out of bed to do my mountain of laundry and proceed to Midvalley to attend to some matters. I was at the Masjid Jamek Putra LRT station when I saw a couple,husband and wife,I suppose,both of them holding the walking sticks for the blind.I was wondering whether to extend my help to them because it came across my mind that the wife might be a vision-able person.However,what made me think otherwise was the fact she was holding a walking stick too.She didn't hold the walking stick out like her husband.For once I thought she should be able to see.Thus,when the train came,I didn't extend my help.To my surprise and most regrettable error of judgement,both of them are blind.A pair of secondary school students helped them in.I was too far away to offer a helping hand already then.Siaw,how stupid can you get?She was holding a walkings stick for the blind for heaven's sake.So much for the empathy I thought I had. What happen next I would not be able to forget easily.The LRT was packed as it was peak hour.Two dishevelled guys with chains and a few piercings to boot,stood and offer the blind couple their seat as soon as they saw them.A few "pretenders"(Okay,I shall not judge people) took their own sweet time to move their arse off their seats.They hadn't even got up when the blinc couple had settled down.Those people are middle-aged and for God's sake,were abled-bodied. The blind couple got off at KL Sentral,which was not my destination.They got off the train,lovingly hand in hand,without any help from those who got off with them.Again,I was quite annoyed with myself for judging people when I didn't even offer to help.As the door closed,I saw the blind couple,still hand in hand,walked straight into a pillar,in between them!They were confused for a moment which way to go,the husband way or the wife way?Just as the train left,I saw the cleaner approached to help them.I felt so hypocritical,I being a medical student in training,show no signs of the empathy expected of me. However,that blind couple,got me thinking,isn't their love greater than all the things in the world?Come on,they couldn't see each other faces every morning they woke up.My heart goes out to them.And yet,they stayed so lovingly together.One of the times my heart really melted then.They were not as blind as I might think.They still can 'see' people who are kind to them.As for those who are blessed with sight,I felt ashamed sometimes even myself overlooked the kindness shown by others.As a famous saying goes,"Kindness is a language that the blind can see,the deaf can hear,and the mute can speak."How true!! Then it got me thinking further,well,with exam over,I became the thinker I once aspired to be.If we are to lose one of our ability:Sight,Hearing,Voice,usage of limbs,which one would I chosen?And which one would you have chosen?Given a choice,I wish not to lose any of that,just like the billions of people I believed would have chosen.Again,something has to give,you see.Thus,I guess most of us lost our humanity.As for me,I seem to be losing it too,whether forced by cynicism or the practicality of the real world.Everyone was taught to be an idealist since young,what to do? After settling all the things I have to do in Midvalley,I finally settled down for a dinner.After finishing my dinner,I went back thinking of the earlier events.Just as I wondering whether I did any wrong then,and justifying my wrongdoing if there is any,a casually dressed man approached me.I was 2 rows inside the restaurant for heaven's sake.There were people seated further out and nearer to him.However,he seemed to have found his "target",walking all the way in and approach me with some merchandise and some papers of certification of charity.It was one of the many "charities" seeking donation by selling merchandise for exorbitant price.As he was enthusiastically explaining his motive and etc,I just smiled at him and listened.I have wanted to say no from the start but he was sort of insistent.After babbling what it is all about,I said no,he smiled and left with a thank you.Money was a bit tight with the recent splurge after exam.Oh mine,what if what he said is true?I would have done lots of harm.Maybe I should just follow one of my friend's advice "I don't know whether they are real or not,if it is real then good,if it is a scam,well I do believe in karma." I chided him for his ignorance just as he chided me for my cynicism.Well,you grow up,you see more things,your perspectives change. Last of the things that remain in my though as I wrote this.At Masjid Jamek station again,I saw the blind guy in wheelchair selling kerepek as usual,shouting to sell his kerepek.And right next to him is a WWF(World Wild Fund) counter manned by two persons asking for donation.If you have money to give to one of them?Which one would you have given to?For the animals or the people.Ahh....what an interesting situation. As for me,I walked past both of them,without giving any donation.RM 10 with no change,I really have to consider.I guessed I have lost my humanity after all. I really opened my eyes to see all the happening around me today.What a day.....

Aftermath...

A good book in hand with a cool CoffeeBean and Tea Leaf Ice-blended mocha to boot,right after exam.....

North of the Border Am I Poor?By Pat Mestern

Got this inspiring story sometimes ago.I have kept in my personal archives since.While reflecting back on 2004,I happened to come across it again and I think it is worth sharing North of the Border Am I Poor? By Pat Mestern A number of people have asked for some words of wisdom about poverty and being "poor". To respond, I visited Marie, who was a close friend of grandmother's. Marie is 103 years old. Although her eyesight is beginning to fail, her mind is tack sharp. In her own words, she raised nine children on little more than spit and polish. Marie was in her favorite place, the solarium of the retirement home sharing a book tape with her 93 year old friend. When asked to give her views about being "poor", she happily did so. Marie, one of ten children herself, raised nine children during the depression on one of the poorest farms in the area. Eight are still living - two doctors, two lawyers, three teachers and an engineer. Marie says, "Consider this your pep talk for the day". "Being poor is the ultimate opportunity handed a person. Being poor is no excuse for being filthy and uneducated. You have access to the same libraries, soap and water and schools that others do. Being poor is no excuse for living in a dirty house and wearing dirty clothes. Being poor is no excuse for living surrounded by clutter and garbage. Being poor means that, if you can't presently afford university/college, you can educate yourself until such times as that goal is within your reach. Being poor means being surrounded by necessities. Being rich means being surrounded by "things". Being rich you can buy perceived happiness. Being poor you make happiness happen. Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and some have to go looking for it. They end up better people for chasing after that silver spoon, because they've had to learn valuable lessons along the way. Sometimes they turn that silver spoon into one of solid gold. Being poor means you start at the bottom and work your way up. Being rich means you start at the top and slide your way down. It's harder to work your way up, but the trip is worth the effort. You'll never forget what you learned along the way. You rarely slide your way down again. Being poor means you have to give back to life, you have something to look up to, something to achieve. Being rich means you are always looking down. For some being rich means that rather than earn achievements, you try to buy them. Stop saying I'm poor, poor, poor. Pretty soon you'll begin to believe it. Start saying I am at a temporary financial disadvantage right now. I can do something about it. Stop saying I can't even afford to put food on the table. My family ate potatoes three times a day for more than eight years and look at us today. I'm 103. All my children would still be alive if Charlie hadn't gone skiing at age seventy-four and cracked his skull. Stop saying the government has to do this for me, the government has to do that for me. The government does not have to pull you up by your bootstraps. You are master of your own destiny, digger of your own rut. Destiny can be altered. Ruts are filled all the time. If you lie in yours too long, someone will bury you in it. Self pity is the cruelest form of poverty because it is in your mind. If you don't like the word poor, just substitute that fancy new term "financially challenged". Keeping up with the Jones's is a game you cannot ever win. NEVER spend more than you make. Save a bit from everything you make - one penny today, two tomorrow. Tuck the money away and forget you ever saw it come into the house. My children went to university on money we tucked away, and good hard work on their part to make it happen. They never heard us say "we're poor" - "we can't do it". We said that it might take awhile, but if that is what you truly want, it is achievable".