Getting old

When is the time that you know you are really old?I am not that old yet,but I am getting old as seconds pass.More like I have grown a lot rather than getting old.A search on the net can turn up a few classic examples.But I think I will make my own list here.

1. You know that durian trees takes 7 years to bear fruit for those commercial type seeds and 10 years for the durian trees of the unmodified seeds to bear fruits,and all that from experience.
2. The Four Heavenly King Killer that you know is Emil Chau.
3. One of the best games you played for hours is Tetris
4. Handphones are big and bulky for the big and "bulky" executives of company.
5. Some kids/strangers are calling you Uncle instead of Kor Kor.
6. The waiter approaches you instead of your father when it is billing time.
7. You always check the mailbox for the utility/internet/credit card bills.
8. You look around for a phone booth when you want to make a call home.
9. House phone has a limited distance that you can go without bringing the phone down to the floor(corded phones).
10. Internet is not an English word.

Revamp version 1.1

Hmm. I just did some slight changes to my blog templates.Just used up four hours of my life. Oh what the the hell. Changed some of the colours and the sizes of the fonts. Refined the javascript so the menu now will appear just right to the link. Added a new link to another of my batchmate in university. She is another stunner in cheongsam. Check her out her blog out. Going to be sent to some place where Internet is a foreign word,well sort of, this evening. Won't be able to update my blog for quite sometimes. Maybe you all can check out my homepage (the link is on the left) and leave something in the guestbook. Arigato and sayonara.  

A Friday

A Friday has never felt so cold, Not the rain,not the snow,not that I am getting old. Maybe it is because I was told, To the nation of the south she has flown. Yes,it rained the night of yesterday, But it doesn't bring the coldness I felt today, And future days will pass without much gay, Without her smile that bring me much need ray, I can only imagine the nature of her departure, A face of tears,a look of sadness,pondering the future, In the land of the south,in the sea of foreign culture, Seperating us is the sea,the mountain,the power of Mother nature. For once,I asked and No she said, Time is not right for us just yet, Guess that will add on to the two years I waited, A time most people will have seen their adventures ended. She has been hurt truly madly deeply by him, A lucky guy,I'd say, yet broke her heart with a whim, All the while I was beside her,comforting and listening, Sometimes,I think it is my fault that she brokes down crying.  I know I can't,I wont,I'd never take his place in her heart, I am not him,he's not me,and that's what's kept us apart, A naive guy one might say yet,love it is say another, I've given my all in what I believe,thus I shall comment no further, My heart's been broken once too many times by her, Not her punch,not her kick but the "No's" she hurls, If you can show me a rational surd, Then I'll show you a love that never hurts, What's with me and all my poetic streak? My hands listen as my thoughts speak, A guy's love for a girl is for all to take a peek, Happiness in life is what I always seek. I can't pluck the stars nor I can love you till the sea dries, But I guess we can gaze the stars together by the seasides, I can't love you forever with all my heart and my soul, For with every seconds pass,I am getting old. -Xiao_zhai-

Accident

I just got these two photos in my mailbox from my friend yesterday.Luckily or rather miraculously,no one is hurt,I pity the car though.So anyone out there,please don't speed for speed kills.If you want to race,go to the race track.I hope my friend,he learns not to speed next time.One is not always that lucky.Count himself bloody lucky this time round for no one is hurt.       PS. the car number has been blacked out to protect the privacy of the owner involved.

Patch Adam

Patch Adam.Finally got the chance to watch this movie today in the Behavioural Science session with the great psychologist Mr Paul Jambunathan.The message that the movie gives(aside than the love story that accompany it) about and to fellow medical colleagues is really worth my time pondering and blogging at this time. The emphasis on doctor-patients relationship couldn't be any better. All the basic things we learned during our Behavioural Science seem to be making a lot of senses now. It is a very practical subject.  Just digesting the fact and notes will not improve one's competence in term of communication skills,guess one needs to really think about it and practise it. Wonder if I have done that so far. Patch being so casual with the way he carries himself around the wards and hospital really differs from what is seen in a traditional hospital setting. The script is really good especially the few lines that I remember when he is presented to the panel of judges to determine if he is to be graduated or not due to him breaking the norms in medicine practise by "going down to the field" or we Malaysian put it, "turun padang" with the patients and mingle with them. I will be very impressed if that really happens to him and the wisdom that comes along in the real Patch. All of us are doctors,as well as patients. This is very true indeed especially when treatment is defined as methods or ways to improve the health of the patients and health is not merely the absence of disease, but also the general well being from physical,pyschological and social point of view(Wonder if I got that right) For example,when I feel the elation of treating a patient, I am the patient then as well for he/she improves my health as in term of giving me a feeling of satisfaction while I on the other hand, alleviate his/her pain, suffering and more. One will always have an impact on another's life. I can't but to think about this how small things can have a great impact on one's life. I can't seem to recall any particular one at the moment but there are things that really makes me think that the world is not that bad as I thought afterall. I really envy Patch's passion and determination in promoting his way of medicine. From the bits of information I have gathered through the net, he is still working hard to build a hospital that he envisions. Dare to dream,how true it is sometimes. I really admire Patch for his fire is still burning after so many years, ever since it is lit. As Paul said, we don't need to go to that extreme to build a rapport with the patients. A smile works all the time. Thus,a simple gesture is always not that simple. Talking about simple gesture,maybe a little help for his Gesundheit! in term of publicity will help here. For more information on the real Patch Adam, please visit http://www.patchadams.org. He will be glad to get some funding though. Remember it is a silly free hospital,not a free silly hospital. I wonder if anyone can get the joke. Maybe he didn't know that he has revolutionised the way medicine are taught now. I am glad that I have come in contact with patients even in my first year of medical study. Glad to sad there is improvement, and still room for more. The stammer is less and tongue are tied less.   As Paul said,there many Patch Adam around actually,each place has its own Patch Adam. If he can see a couple of us out of nearing 200 students can communicate with patients with the kind of approach he taught,he can consider his job done.   Moving on from Patch, today I got a quote that's worth remembering.   "Even a broken clock is correct at least twice a day" - Unknown- courtesy of Paul Jambunathan   Oh ya,today Paul mentioned about how his name is pronounced by the English. The first thing that came to my mind is Paul Jam-bun-athan. Not making fun of his name, but just seeing things in a lighter way. If I know the Paul whom I think he is,he wouldn't mind.After all,   Laughter is the best medicine.

Blogger's Blog

I have been having blogger's block for sometimes now.Since university life make up most of my current life,thus,it makes sense that's also where I draw most of my inspiration.Currently,we can be said to be having honeymoon or holiday as the schedule is very relaxing now with quite a lot of time on hand.Thus,no university=no inspiration,no inspiration=blogger's block.Hmm...seem to have some shitcraps coming out now.How did I spend my last few days?Living 24 hour a day I guess.I was attached to a private GP in Kl for 2 days.It was interactively fun,if there is such word for it.Can't wait to go to KKB for my rotation judging from the good feedback(note:no plural)I got so far from frienD who haS been posted there last week.Maybe I will come up with some poem this few days,if there's inspiration. Till then,sayonara.I wonder if there's anyone reading this blog,oh darn,I don't blog for the sake of readership,I blog just for the sake of blogging. P.S. This is not my only blog by the way.....

F1

Acid in his red Ferrari, is now leading the pack by nearing one full lap.He had a good start or more like a jumpstart,he throttle up his engine before the race even begin.Since there's no rule in this race,his move is a legal one.YP and Xiao in their HentaiHyundai and Mitsubishi Evo VII respectively were engaged in reverse gear at the start,thus allowing Acid to lead by more than 5 full laps by the end of 20 laps in this race of 31 laps. At the end of lap 20th,Xiao,YP and the rest of the Lamers' pack realise that they have been in reverse gear all this time while Acid seem to be cruising for his 201st career first place finish in the IMU Lamers' Championship M2/03. Acid has claimed the number one spot in the Foundation 1 although he had a wing damage in Foundation 2,causing him to finish behind Xiao.Now back to the race,Xiao and YP finally shift into their forward gears at the start of 21st lap in this CVS circuit.Acid has just lapped them for the 5th time in the last lap. Since there's nothing to lose,Xiao began his ascent in the drivers' standing by engaging his Nitrous Oxide system of his Mitsubishi Evo VII.He knew the risk of running the system for the last third of the circuit.He could either blow his engine due to the Nitrous Oxide generating excessive strain on the engine of his Evo,or get a good standing or even better finish ahead of Acid.He could only hope and pray for the latter two.He weaved in and out,overtaking Mr. Selfish at the Chicane of Pharmaco in his 25th lap,with a breath-taking "speeding through the pit stop" maneuver.Since the pit stop was a straight instead of the Chicane of Pharmaco where other cars need to slow down greatly to navigate it,Xiao was able to get a good half lap gain on Acid.He narrowly avoided crashing into the Mr Antiarrhythmic,one of the directors of the CVS circui,who stood out proudly in the pit stop.WTH is that idiot doing in the pit?Travelling at Mach 2(approximately 2160 km/h) with that idiot standing 61 metres away before Xiao caught the sight of him,with human reponse time of 200 milisecond,putting some of the 100 metres Olympic sprinter to shame,he adjusted his steering and managed to avoid Mr Arrhythmic by hair breadth. On the other hand,YP switched her Super Hengtai mode of her NO system in her Hyundai and began her climb in the standing.Where was YP when Xiao was on his NO system?YP was on the track.So the question was where was Xiao when YP was on her NO system?Xiao don't use the tracks,he raced through dirts and barriers as always. A few more laps down,Xiao and YP got Acid in their sights.Seeing them,Acid engaged his NO system too.Compared to Xiao and YP's constant uses of their NO system,Acid's NO system still need a lot of finetuning and upgrade.Coming out of the 180 degree sharp turn at Vessels of the Limbs into the last lap,Xiao was still smelling the exhaust of Acid's Ferrari.The white flag was up.That was the final lap.Can Xiao improve his standing?Can he beat YP and so many others in front of him?Can he wrest the pole spot from Acid?Check back later for further updates and news.Same time same channel. Xiao_zhai over and out.Blogging from the cockpit of his car going into the last lap of the CVS circuit.

Friendship

For the past 3 hours or so,I have logged into www.friendster.com and browsed through my old friends profile and all.I didn't add most of them,they are just connected to my friends who happen to know them as well.In real life,I do know them.I wonder how much I have missed out with my old friends,those from secondary and primary schools.I still remembered their names,their truants,their personality then. I looked at them now,judging from their pictures that are available,most of them have grown up to be beautiful ladies and handsome gentleman.Any other things about them,I am absolutely lost as in events in their current life,where they are studying,what they are doing,hobbies and all.Some of them,I practically last say hi to them in a decade ago.Yes,a decade ago,you got that right.That's where friendster find its niche.To bring those friends of ours that we have lost contact with.To a certain extent,it works but for a student like me who have difficulty travelling around and having limited pocket money,the geography limits what I can do to catch up with my friends. It is nice though to know that they are doing fine in their life.I give them my blessing.Normally I don't add them to my friends' list.Why?Reasons being this guy whom I remember(and last say hi is like a decade ago), will he remember me or not?I am always proud of my memory power but sadly,there are people whose names I have already forgotten even in IMU,lest to say friends from my primary and secondary school years, especially those who don't have anything in common to do with me.Sorry to say that but I admit it is the truth. Sometimes, this friendster phenomenon,I feel is contributing partly to my guilt and realisation that friends are just transient,unlike family.I come to realise that in one and a half year time,I may have to or will lose touch with people I knew well in IMU,just as what has happened in my primary and secondary years due to the nature of geography and our studies.So far,there is one I am and definitely have been proud of is my friendship with a close friend of mine whom I have known and studied with since kindergarten.This friendship is kept well partly due to the fact that we have been practically in the same class since kindergarten.In one and a half year time,when each of us will be going our own way to further our study,hopefully I will be proven wrong for once,that friendship is transient.... I would like end this blogtry with a toast of Vodka to my divebuddy in Pulau Tioman,Acid.I have only known him practically 3 months ago......you guys in IMU don't believe?Ask him......

Biasedness and Racism(PROCEED WITH EXTREME MATURITY AND CAUTION)

The net is a powerful tool to state your honest(sometimes dumbright silly)opinion.The issue of the racial gap has resurfaced in one of the blogs I came across.Since I have much to say,I guess it will be better if I dedicate a blotry(blog entry?) to it. I think I mention before in my previous blog that our education system needs a revamp.Basically it is the policy that was discreetly(read unwritten;unspoken;say-it-you-will-minum-kopi-with-ISA ppl)undertaken by our government in awarding university places and scholarships to undeserving one.What do I mean by undeserving one?People who score well in examination yet rich enough to own a Mercedes Benz 500S don't deserve the full scholarship.People who don't score as well as those "lucky 128" yet got the places in the universities,they too don't deserve this.And maybe less heard,people who belong to the top 50 scorers in STPM in the country yet can't get his/her first choice of study.Maybe there are other criterias that are to be examined before one is admitted into the university or awarded a scholarship.For example,in the matter of scholarship awarded,the finances of the family should really be closely scrutinised before the award.A scholarship offer is a good way to reward a student for his/her achievements,that,I agree but I guess a 50% scholarship will do and the money "saved" can be used to sponsor those good students who are not financially able,not necessarily at tertiary level,but also at secondary,primary and pre-school.I personally feel this should be the case as to reinforce the the stand that everyone should be given an equal (or close to equal)chance at the best possible education. As for placement of university,I wonder what the considerations are.Distance from the applicant's hometown and availability are the common reasons given.Of course,the applicants would have taken the location of the university into consideration when putting their first choice of university.If you are one of the top 50 scorers in a national level exam and you can't get the first choice of study,the first thing that should come to mind is "There are only 49 places offered in the university"(Ok...lame joke) but instead of that,the first thing that comes to my mind now is the selection process must have been tampered by unknown force or a biased policy. As for entry into university,I am all for a national-level university entry test for there are basically two different systems currently that allow the students to enter public tertiary education institutions.As far as I am informed,the 2 systems are quite different,one incorporates internal assessment which can be really biased at times or open to biasness and one that doesn't.I am opting for a more reliable and objective assessment which is minimally affected by human's idiosyncrasies.However,I can't say for certain in the terms of the interview that are being carried out for public university entry for I have not enough information.Thus,I reserved my comments here until I have learned more about it. Our education system in my opinion,is the culprit behind all the racial gap.One person,let's say A feels he/she is better(in all fields) and academically more qualified than the B.A nd B get to know each other albeit not for long.However,B got into the university and course that A wants to get in due to some reasons which remain unknown to A.That's when dissent starts to sow in A.A then seek solace with his close group of friends who are normally of his own race.Coincidentally,a few of his friends too experienced the same thing as A.Thus,they start to recall and review where they went wrong in the whole process until someone shout out a similiarity,"They are of B race(coincidentally).That's why.Didn't you notice the trend?"Human being human,tends to look for fault most of the time in others when things go wrong.It is a primate defense mechanism.After all,A and his friends are human too.Soon words got around A's circle of friends,then,from one circle to another to another.......The story changes from bad to worse everytime it is mouthed.What an unfortunate coincidence that they(B's race) are of the same race!There,you got the seed of the racism! Review the events above.What is the thing that set A on a path to resent B's race?The fact that A doesnt' get the university of his choice without any sensible explaination provided.Maybe if someone can really provide him with a straightforward(probably brutal) answer,things would not have unfolded as the way it is above.It doesn't happen.Why is B accepted?He may have been outstanding,rising to the occasion in the interview(if there's any).B may have connections in the university(read underhand method) B maybe the son/daughter of some big shots.If the admission into university has been transparent and fair(seems to be not at the moment to me),racism will not have reared its ugly head.The situation is not going to get better especially when you hear some people known to you are complaining about not their low qualification but "kulit-fication."(This is not coined by me,I swear)The story of A and B still goes on and now comes in many different version and in different fields now including commercial and industry. Policy should be fair and should be as unfavoring as posibble,should not be outright biased if we are to live in a multiracial community.You favour one,you offend every other one. My 2 cents OMG OMG...I am going to get screwed for this post Anyway,guys if there's any comment,please put them as politely as possible.

Things I learn today

Things I learn today: 1. Never go swimming when you feel that something is not right with your body 2. Remember not to breathe in the water withour SCUBA equipment. 3. Don't ever blog when you are sick 4. You know you are sick when you are wearing a sweater,a T-shirt,trainer and socks with no fan on and a blanket over you,yet you still feel cold. 5. In contrast to number 4, you are never too sick to blog. 6. Medical students can approximate what's wrong with him/her yet can do nothing about it. 7. Lastly,medical students preach about going to the doctor instead of self-remedy,yet I myself always choose not to see a doctor until it is really beyond my tolerance level. Self diagnosis: Nasal discharge : Colourless Heart rate : 84 beats per min while resting (around 70 is the normal beat for me)Larynx : Red/inflammed Cough : Yes Current medication: Strepsil(Xtra strong) Duration : Nearing 1 day Temperature : Higher than normal(refer to statement number 4) Sneezing : Yes Time to see doc : Not yet Possible causes : Overusage of credit card for the past few days(nearing 150 bucks on food and movies),overentertainment Main worry : Lectures note piling up for 2 weeks already Main problem : It is never warm enough

Drive behind "Dog-torship"

What drives us to become a doctor?I have been asked a lot of times and I also have asked others a lot of times especially the last batch of juniors who came in in the last intake.What inspires us to become a doctor?Maybe a more relevant question here is what drives me to become a doctor? Frankly speaking,I have no ready answer for this.I can tell you that I want to help people (but I really didn't do much voluntary work since secondary school).I want to cure the world of all diseases(yet I am not very keen on research).I want to lessen the suffering of the people and etc.I guess it is all right for most of us to live a dream.After all,that's where most breakthroughs in mankind are derived from.These are some of the few common reasons.Along the line,some "budding aspiring medical students" will say "It's my Dad/Mum/girlfriend/boyfriend/brother/sister/dog/cat/hamster/rabbit's choice so I just follow them" ,"Being called a doctor rather than Encik/MakCik/Mr/Mrs/Miss/Lin Peh/Lin Bu/Nyiamah/Nyiapah and etc is great/fun/cool/grand/shiok/damn respek...." and etc. Today, I went to a Pusat Kesihatan, an outpatient government-run clinic to do my clinical visit.The doctor was friendly at first,talking to us,the medical students while he was attending to his patients.But as the day went on and more cases coming in,he seemed to lose his composure.Grumbling every now and then to himself,the nurses and at us,the medical students.There was supposed to be another doctor at the clinic but she was on leave.Thus,he had to handle the work of two persons and us while drawing the same salary.(I suppose)Together with a few very frustating cases,he finally went into hypertension mode.Keep grumbling and complaining of his work even in front of the patients.He tried to keep a cool head but it seemed that the stress was winning the war. Yet,though it may seemed unprofessional at times,he still did his work,going through each patient's pathologies thoroughly before prescribing carefully.At the end of day,at lunch break,he probably had seen at least 70 cases(judging by the number attached to each patient's files)Quite a feat I thought, for some of the patients were really difficult people who kept nodding their heads as if would heed the doctor's advice yet we knew as medical students and personnels if they had followed the doctor's order,they wouldn't be coming back to the clinic anymore.Patient's non-compliance.Very difficult case to handle.You want to help the patients,but they patients are not appreciating it.No wonder the stress and blood pressure of the doctor kept going up (just like taxes) until it reached breaking point. Then at lunch break,he asked "Kenapa nak jadi doktor?Kerja susah tau,gaji rendah.Kenapa tak cari kerja lain?Lagipun,tak de masa untuk anak."I guess this is a very common complaint among the overworked and underpaid government health personnels.Feel like asking him why did he stay in the government sector when the privates sector was a better gold mine.Of course,with such volatile mood,I guess it is better to keep my mouth shut. A lot of people are crying for the increase of the wages of government health personnels yet the government has done nothing much about it and keep postponing the review.Even if there's increase,it will be an insignificant one.Why is that so?I think if we look further into the matter at hand,we can point out the reason.The primary function of government's health service is to provide as much medical coverage as possible for the whole population.The secondary function will be to provide employment for the medically trained personnels. Doctors exist because of patients.Not the other way round.Therefore,we must get as many patients as possible into the healthcare service before anything beneficial can be done.Not to get as many medical personnels as possible to stay in the public sectors.To achieve this high patients population's access to the healthcare service,the thing that comes into mind first which influence the patients' accessibility to healthcare service is the financial state of the patients.This will then decide the price the patients can afford.To make it affordable for the general population,the outpatient treatment is set at only RM 1.00.We all also know that the allocation for the healthcare is not bottomless.The same money is used to buy the medicines,pay the medical personnels,maintain and replace the medical equipments.The allocation to purchase and restock medicine probably accounts for most of the expenditure of MoH.Drugs,especially generic one,are very expensive yet the government clinics are practically giving them free to the patients for the RM1 paid is rarely enough to cover the cost of even a tablet much less a packet of it.Given the volume of patients that government healthcare services entertain,the amount of "losses" incured here is almost insurmountable. If we are to increase the government healthcare workers' pays significantly,this will cause a very huge dent in the allocation to buy medicine.Therefore,either the medicine will run out due to insufficient fund to restock them which will result in patients not being cured or the price of the treatments(outpatients or inpatient) will have to be increased.This will then decrease the accessibility of the patients to the healthcare service which is supposed to be the primary objective of government healthcare,thus indirectly defeating its own purpose which is to cure the patients at the end of day.Thus,we can say that the government healthcare personnels are indirectly subsidising the treatment of the patients by overworking and being underpaid.The fact that they are using and dedicating the limited time they have of their life to save the life of others give their work a nobility unachieved by most if not all other professions. Lastly,the "harsh" working conditions and relatively low pay(compared to private sectors),in my opinion are required for the selection process,selection of those doctors who are willing to contribute their training and skills to the society(more notably the poor poor)and government from those who are out for self-gain.The working conditions and the low pay function as the selection pressure in the selection of the doctors who are really sincere in doing their jobs in the government sector.Of course,some of them might be forced to turn rogue due to the intensive selection pressure.I have to admit we are not living in the ideal world yet we still have to live it.If the world is really ideal,patients won't die from their diseases....... At the end of the day,why do I want to become a doctor?Maybe if the question is how can I become a doctor,I probably can answer you....... "Be ready to slog for it and don't expect too much out of it" Feel free to state your opinions politely,be it rebuttal or others....

Close shave

Today,I have another shock of my life.Today is the third time I almost drown in water.There are people around the world who are dying due to lack of water.I am,on the other hand,ironically,almost claimed by the very thing which gives life to all the things around the world.Supposed to go swimming with SC but he fallen sick.Thus,I went alone in the morning.Bad choice to swim alone in a depth that is more than your height.No wonder,there's a must for buddy system in scuba diving.Never Dive Alone.And also Never Die alone. What happen at the pool?Had a cramp in the third lane at the depth of 2 metre.OMG...Went down taking a lungful of water.I thought that's it.Kapai-kapai there and the life guard is nowhere to be seen.I don't know how I did it.Normally when you have cramp,you can't move due to the intense pain of the muscle pulling.But a lot of factor affecting pain as I studied in the BullShitBehavioural Science.There is still a lot of unfinished business.Not the time to die,not the time to drown here in this pool,in the absence of people I know.Straining every sinew in my arms and my cramped right leg,I swam under the surface of the water towards the side of the pool.Safety is so near,within sight.How many people had died when safety is so near?Not the time to think of that.Not the time to give up.The water in my lung and nose is really giving me great discomfort.Somehow,I seem to forget bout the water in my lung in and the need to take in a mouthful of air in the water.Impossible?There is a technique called hyperventilation in skin diving which is meant to try to override the brain's signal to the body to take in oxygen.Actually,there is still a bit of air in the lung but the brain's treshold is quite conservative,at least this is what is written in the scuba manual.Maybe determination can do the same thing to the brain. Finally,I reached the side of the pool.I has never felt such an elation to reach the side of the pool before.Coughed out quite a bit of water at the side.Then only I see the lifeguard arriving.Shot me a glance then walk away from me.Rest for 15 minutes out of the pool before diving back in to do a few more laps before I went back. Swimming isn't that dangerous.There are qualified life guard there.Even if you drown,there is duration of 4-6 minutes before permanent brain damage occurs due to hypoxia.CPR knowledge darn.....Why did I panic then?As usual,there is a lot of things not written in the book,things that can only learned through experience. Lesson learnt-Never drown alone..... Enough for the day's post.......

The Silent Hourglass

I just found out 2 days ago,one of my college's friend's close relative has passed away.Sometimes it reminds me of my own fragility and the mortality of the loved ones.Even armed with the knowledge to cure and save, yet death is inevitable.Sometimes,are we just saving life or postponing the inevitable?My friend,I heard,she has flown back due to emergency matters,whether towitness a passing or to attend the funeral,I am not sure.I wonder if she manage to get there before the last breath.If she didn't,did she regret it?I know I will if I ain't there for her last breath.Sometimes,somewhere in me,I hope that she can live long enough for my graduation,sometimes,shamefully,I wish for her passing while in my presence.I don't want not to be able to be there for her last breath.This scenario has been playing a lot of times in my head.Even with a sense of logic and reasons,answer seems to be beyond me.Maybe the constant thoughts are what inspired me to this poem I wrote not long ago "The Silent Hourglass" Deep in me there’s this fear, Never failing to bring me to tears, What will I do if she isn’t here, To see me as a doctor with my fellow peers, Minute by minute, time is slowly, Bit by bit, gaining on her youth silently, She’s aged now yet still lively, Having lived her life dutifully, She has a whole past to reflect on, That goes beyond the time I was born, Often sad, most of the time forlorn, Sometimes a bed of roses but never without thorns. Born a lady with an iron will, Earned a living with her limited skill, Continues to build her family until, One day, she bows to time, not to ill. Fragile she may seem, Yet she still beams, Unlike what others deem, That age has taken her steam. Green roots show in her arms and legs, Her forehead descends like a stair, A skin once smooth now ragged, From life’s wear and tear. If the time does come and thus my fear, A man should shed blood but never tears, But I am no man, I shall tear, For I am a grandson who hold her dear. ~Xiao_zhai~

Telephone

I think I really have to thank Alexander Graham Bell for inventing telephone not very long ago and Fredrik Idestam for founding Nokia company which produces my faithful communication companion,my Nokia 3315(blue dinosaur model)It is really durable.I can toss it across the room onto the bed and this little beeping dinosaur won't break apart.Even if it does,which rarely occurs,the blue dinosaur will just undergo a moulting process and shed off its blue skin.However it doesn't have a new skin underneath so I have to manually help it to undergo skin grafting.Okay,that's all crap for my my blue dinosaur Nokia 3315 phone. I almost forgot the reason I thanked the late Mr.AlexAndDer GreatHam BallzAlexander Graham Bell and (Don't know whether he is still an early one or late one) Mr Fredrik Hindustan Idestam. What is my phone for?To receive calls of course.Primary function.Secondary function is to SMS hot chicks,not cold turkey like SC.And EMERGENCY function is to make a phone call.Oh man,I am losing sanity.I know SC is going to say "How you're going to lose it when you don't have it in the first place?."I just thought of a reply,"I didn't baboons speak until you do."Muahahaha.....*Laughing to myself* Anyway,I just want to express my gratitude here for some routines that is so trivial until suddenly it strikes me.How do my parents keep me in check(not to say they need to since I am such a good son)?My Dad call me everyday,and I mean EVERYDAY since I left my hometown JB to study in KL in January 2002 just to ask me how's my day,have I eaten and all.Guess the Telekom been quite happy with my Dad's bill since then.Some people might think this is irritating but sometimes,this is the type of things in life one will normally take it for granted.The day isn't quite complete without a call from my home at the end of day.Do you believe I can hear something on the phone that I can't get it here?Crickets!!!!Ahh,my home.Nothing beats home.Nothing will. My hand phone is ringing.*Read "Home"*Guess that's all for now.Sayonara and kiwotsukete

Here We Go Again

Before you proceed beyond this line,please verify that you are 18 years old and above and sanely able to criticise and criticise constructively(unlike me) and most importantly not a law enforcer of any kind.Below is a very sensitive and highly controversial yet nothing-changed-much-since-the-past-few-years topic. Something that just reached my mailbox: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is the perfect example of Malaysia's fucked up education system and ministry. Its error and flaw lies in the centralising of public universities application. It is screwed up, messed up and its own staff are even confused by it. This thing has been going on and on for years. It only hit me now because a few friends related to me had to suffer the consequences of our country's incompetence in providing at least a fair and reliable ground for them to pursue their studies. What is the point of filling out 10 choices of universities in the IPTA form when you are offered one that is not in it nor one you heard or know of (provided you meet the CGPAs of the courses)? And I assure you, there are a large number of students who did meet the requirements. What is the point of working your ass off to get a perfect 4A's or 5A's only to be informed by the education ministry that there isn't enough place for you because "our country has a quota system"? If that is the case, there is no point in doing your best, there is no difference in getting 5 or 4 or 3A's if you are just going to be rejected as well in the end. Where is the point in telling the public you have 2 weeks to make your appeal when they and us (the public) know that an appeal will take a long time to process and consider? They have 5 freaking months of working days to release the university application results earlier in order for the "misfortunate ones" to do their appeal. If they know so well about the "integrity" of their system, I'm sure they would have the brains and logic to know well enough that there will be always cases like the ones mentioned in the article below every year, in order for them to release the results earlier so that the ministry have ample time to "clean up their own trash". Please forward this mail if you agree partly with or wholly with me to all your friends. If you don't, just delete this mail and have a nice day!

Friday May 28, 2004 5As and not eligible for medicine BY S. INDRAMALAR AND JOANNE LIM PETALING JAYA: Murrali Silvarajoo found out the hard way that getting straight As in the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia examination does not guarantee a place in a course or university of choice. He was devastated to discover yesterday that he did not qualify to do medicine at a public university despite scoring 5As and getting a Cumulative Grade Point Average (CGPA) of 4.0. Instead, Murrali was offered a place to study chemical engineering at Universiti Malaya (UM), his sixth choice. “I cannot believe it. I'm really shocked and disappointed. I'm going to appeal but have not thought about what I'll do if my appeal does not go through.” Former Malacca High School student Jennifer Kua did not get any of the eight courses she applied for. Instead, she got one she knew nothing about. “I scored 3As and 1A, and obtained a CGPA of 3.92. I applied for medicine, pharmacy and dentistry but was offered some course called Pemulihan Biodiversiti (Biodiversity Rehabilitation) at Kolej Universiti Sains dan Teknologi Malaysia in Terengganu. I have not even heard of this place.” Ratna Dewi Lim's efforts to check on the status of her application proved futile. “The system is messed up. I tried checking my status through the SMS, the ministry website and the hotline but each time I got the message Tiada maklumat. Sila hubungi bahagian pengurusan kemasukan pelajar IPT (No information. Please contact the division for admission to institutions of higher learning),” said the former student of SMK Victoria, Kuala Lumpur. Ratna, who scored 1A, 2Bs and 1C, hopes to study political science at either Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia or the International Islamic University. To date, some 3,000 students have submitted their appeals either at the ministry’s higher education department or via telephone. The department has stationed seven officers at the counters to record appeals, counsel students and man the telephone lines. “The phones have been ringing non-stop. Many of the callers were upset as they had not been offered courses they applied for,” said an officer. Among the students who came to the department to lodge complaints was Shazwani Shafie, who was so upset with her offer that she came all the way from Tanjong Malim, Perak, with her parents to enquire why she was not offered any of her eight choices. “I was given a place at Kolej Universiti Islam Malaysia to study Pentadbiran Muamalat (Islamic Banking Administration). I have no idea what the course is all about. I have always wanted to do an education in accounting or information technology course,” said the former matriculation student, who has a CGPA of 3.47. Kew Khoy Yu from Kuala Lumpur was not offered a place because of an error made by the Examination Council. “There was an ‘X’ for the General Paper in my results slip, signifying that I was absent. It was a mistake as I actually got an A. “And so, I was really shocked when I checked the website this morning and found that my application was not successful. I was also shocked to discover that Unit Pusat Universiti had not received my updated results on time,” added Kew, who obtained a 3.25 CGPA and hoped to do the Bachelor of Actuarial Science programme at UKM. Also unsuccessful was Jivalatha Panierselvam, from Kuala Lumpur, who had made a mistake filling up the application – she forgot to shade the final digit of her identity card number in the form. “I feel really sad. As it is, getting into a public university is so difficult and I had to mess it up,” said Jivalatha, who obtained 1B and 2Cs and applied for the Bachelor of Communication programme at Universiti Putra Malaysia.

-----------------------------------End of Mail------------------------------------------- Well,this year seems to be an exceptional year.This is due to the fact there are just too many "top scorers" in our country's very own STPM this year.This is not the first time this issue has popped out.I was an avid follower of this highly controversial issue regarding our Malaysia Education System but somehow sometime in the the past someone up there just knocked some sense into me.One of the reasons I can't be a good debater is I (honestly) admit that I have no substance or whatsoever.I wonder if I have any style but that's not the main issue here.Our focus here is the Malaysian Education System. This time round,this problem seems to be going to be a bit more serious due to the high number of high scorers.I noticed that just like taxes,our top scorer numbers seem to be going in one direction in the past decade and that's up.Maybe it is just a way to prove that the Garmen is doing a great job in education.However,I really think and believe (though with not much evidence) that the standard is really dropping.It has been highlighted in the newspaper a few times that why is it there are so many A's compared to last time when people who can score 3 or even 4 A's are hailed as a hero and become the talk of the whole town(maybe a bit exagerating here)Are the people any "smarter" or "better" than last time? Education,is held in a very high priority by a Chinese traditional family,like mine.There's a saying commonly applied to a Chinese family,I came across, "Starve,You starve for the children,Save,you save for their education."This define very well the place education held in the Chinese eyes.I was brought up in the one of the strictest way you can imagine.My family is not well educated but my Dad is a far sighted man,just unable to continue his study due to financial problem.My Dad caned and literally whipped me into shape,constantly caning me disciplining me to do my homework and the English books he bought.You don't want to see my homework.There are smeared blots of inks everywhere.Those are my tears mixed with teacher's red pen.Something like a blood smear.Okay,I am crapping.But That explains why I can speak quite well in Mandarin and adequately proficent in English.When I got my SPM result,I was surprised that we have two results for the English subject.One is a GCE O level grading and the other one is the SPM.Why the double standard?I got A1 for both the result but there are people who got a few grades lower in the GCE O Level result yet still score an A in the SPM.I wonder what's the A score for SPM?At least,the GCE O Level slip didn't make me feel shortchanged.Maybe that's the purpose of its existence.Maybe someone can enlighten me in this field. Back to current STPM,as far as I know, entry into the medicine course of UM is the epitome of academic achievement in our Education System.I know of 2 friends who scored 13 A's in all component papers.They took five subjects.One of them got into UM and another into USM.I know,in the presence of current shortage of places,there is no place for such complaint.I just wonder are there that many scorer of 13 A's in all component papers that one of my friends is overlooked(I was told there are only 24 scorer with perfect 13 A's).I really wonder sometimes,what the criterias for entry are.Talk about transparency.Yet there are people who say that the meritocracy system is the one behind the allocation of places.Then there are matrics students who are put into the same pool as those who took STPM.How to judge them fairly when both the systems are quite different?I will consider it as a working meritocracy if they are judged on a common ground.I heard someone proposed entry exam but that's as far as the idea goes....... I am a very opinionated,biased and stubborn person due to the environment I was schooled in and as but there's no pun intended in this entry.

No wonder some ppl just can't get his/her love

"Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed." "I thought that I could love no other, Until, that is, I met your brother." "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head." "Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face" "Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not" "I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face" "I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies!" "My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life" "I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming" "My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way" "My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell" "What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime" Adopted from the net

Something from the past

The wind blows and carries, Once here,our joy and merry, The Alumni now lies deserted, not for this that this is created, A place where once we all commune and gossip, Now here seems to me like another lake of acid, Place where once busy and noisy talks live, Silence as dead now is kinda hard to believe, Maybe we each busy with our lives, Exams,dates,sports or even drives Mind you,this maybe is just the foreboding, On how our friendship is becoming, Stale,isolated and maybe not forgotten, If nothing done,the worst is waiting to happen, All we can do is to keep this alumni alive and updated, 10 minutes of your life here is surely won't be wasted. If that ten can't even be spared for a reason or another, We shall kiss goodbye then to "friends forever" Something I wrote for my last alumni for my secondary. One of the few latest post there.It was posted on 3rd Sept 2003

Where's my life By Ang Tau Bee(Red bean in hokkien)

What's going with my world,Lou ma,
Medic students have no fun in life,Mama,
I think soon I will be going into coma,
Thanks to med study I am having lack of drama,
Over here,we try to stop our sadism,
But we got patients here bleeding,
In the CSU,almost into ICU,
The Profs and the craps all in IMU.

If you only have love for your own face,
Then you really are asking to be defaced,
And when you have no face,in you people will hate,
And when they hate,then you are bound to get irate,yeah
Sadism is what I demonstrate,
On simulated patient I have learned to operate,
Friend,You gotta have balls to set things straight
Let the patients levitate to the sky,yall

Doctors working,patients dying,
Politicians crap,you hear them lying
Overworked and underpaid,
And would you please raise our pay
 Father,father,father,help us
Send me guidance from afar,
Coz people got me,got me questioning where is the love
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

 It is just so lame, some fren so "cheng"
New days unchanged,life sucks all the same
If your answers always wrong
Why are you getting marks that everyone long?
Result drops like bombs
Medical classes fillin' times of lifeless ones
With the endless piles of lectures I will die young

So ask myself is the purpose really gone
And so ask myself is being a doctor really wrong
In the life that I'm giving up, failures keep on coming in,

Writing the wrong answers, only visions of "A" is evident
Keep helping our brothers, deny those suckers
Doctors're underpaid but the patients still recover
The fun is kept away, it's swept under the rug
If you never know fun then you never know life
Where's my life, y'all, come on (There's no life)
Where's my fun, y'all, come on (There's no fun)
Where's my life, y'all

Doctors working,patients dying,
Politicians crap,you hear them lying
Overworked and underpaid,
And would you please raise our pay
 Father,father,father,help us
Send me guidance from afar,
Coz people got me,got me questioning where is my life
 Where is my life (no life)
Where is my life (no life)
Where is my life
My life,
My life

 I feel the weight of the tests on my shoulder
As tests gettin' nearer, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about exam scoring
Reading notes got us remembering all the infections
Wrong info and tips always given by lin lau hyia
Negative markings is the main criteria
Killing off our marks faster than bacteria
MCQs acts like what we know as the enigma

Yo', whatever happened to the life in university
We gotta spend our life in the study of pathology
Instead of enjoying life we studying relentlessly
Lack of understanding, leading marks away from century
That's the reason why sometimes I'm having no life
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm having no life
Gotta keep my faith alive till life is found

 Doctors working,patients dying,
Politicians crap,you hear them lying
Overworked and underpaid,
And would you please raise our pay
 Father,father,father,help us
Send me guidance from afar,
Coz people got me,got me questioning where is my life
 Where is my life (no life)
Where is my life (no life)
Where is my life (no life)
 Where is my life (no life)
Where is my life (no life)
Where is my life (no life)

 Adopted from "Where is the love" by Blacked Eyed Peas *Edited fully by the ever sarcastic and sadistic Xiao* This is due to living a life as a medical student.Kids,please don't try this at home. With all due respect to the original version,this is never meant to deface your work..... Try to sing it to the tune of the original 1......:)

Where is the love (revamped)

Some "weird sense of humour" suddenly strike..... What's going in the world,Lou ma, Medic students have no life,Mama, I think I am going into coma, Thanks to having lack of drama, Over here,we try to stop our sadism, But we got patients here bleeding, In the CSU,almost into ICU, The Profs,the craps all in IMU. If you only have love for your own face, Then you only asked to be defaced, And when you deface,people will hate, And when you hate,some are bound to get irate,yeah Sadism is what I demonstrate, On simulated patient I learn to operate, Friend,You gotta have balls to set things straight Let the patients levitate to the sky,yall Doctors working,patients dying, Politicians crap,you hear them lying Overworked and underpaid, And would you please raise our pay Father,father,father,help Send me guidance from afar, Coz people got me,got me questioning where is the love (To be continued) Edited by the ever sarcastic and sadistic Xiao

Resilience

What makes a failure and a success?I guess it is resilience.Today,I just got my Summative 1 result.I failed.Guess the two careless mistake I made then really made a difference today.Why I am not that dissappointed?I guess I know where I went wrong.I know what I can do and can achieve.Dean's list should not be a major problem for me.Talking about confidence......Hm....Guess better reduce it a bit and back to my lecture notes. I had failed before and had always risen to conquer it.What makes me think this time it will be different?